When my wife and I were engaged, a good priest friend was dying. Lively spiritual direction became bedside visits. Eventually he could hardly speak. But one day, as I described wedding Mass and honeymoon plans, he kept repeating with laser focus: “Good, but leave room for spontaneity, the unexpected. Leave room for the Holy Spirit.”
Three kids later, I have no choice. My wife and I are still planners by nature, but few adult schemes survive first contact with toddlers. Our boys delight in things we can’t predict, misbehave in ways we don’t expect, and detach me from the delusion that life is mine to steer if I just grip the wheel a little tighter. The human heart plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps (Prv 16:9).
As dads face this humbling fact, we’re in good company. Our patron Saint Joseph wasn’t some controlling CEO, but a silent, recollected man. He worked diligently to protect and provide—but above all, he listened intently to God and was malleable in his hands. Whenever an angel updated his marching orders, he obeyed. Our Lord’s saving plan needed his foster father to hold his own plans loosely.
So when a bedtime routine or Saturday schedule lies in shambles, I try to ask God what new door he is opening to for me to love my family and serve him in a different way. Even if it were possible to out-plan surprises and sufferings, we shouldn’t want to. “Leave room for the Holy Spirit.”
(Andrew Quinn lives with his wife and sons outside Washington, DC, where he works as a political consultant and writer.
